Well, Fark

My husband has had a hernia repaired.  I have a 'bellybutton' hernia. And my baby HAD a diaphragmatic hernia at birth.  Now?  It's a Paraesophageal hernia (hernia #2 for little Hailey). From what they can see (and it isn't all that much), it seems as though the exit of the stomach (the first part of the intestines), instead of heading downward, has snaked its way up, pushed through a little hole beside where the esophagus comes down through the diaphragm and some of it is trapped up there, causing occasional backup, and likely explaining ongoing 'noise' we hear insider her chest after feeding.  The section of the intestine is hidden, apparently, behind the liver, and tissue has likely attached the two together, making for delicate work to extracate it and bring the bowel down without damaging the bowel or the liver. 

Sigh.

So, what this means is that the FIRST thing they want to do is microscopic camerawork to determine what is going on and how severe it is, and if it is what they think it is.  At that same time, once they determine the nature of the condition, they will do whatever it is they have to do to fix it.  This could be quick and not too difficult, or it could, because of the fact that it is hidden behind the liver, require a nice, big incision up the middle of her chest.  Time will tell.

So now I sit here waiting for CHEO to call back and let me know when we can get her in for the surgery.  In a sense, it is 'elective', meaning that unless or until Hailey has more episodes, we don't NEED to have the surgery, but the condition, pending another episode, can get more severe and cause complications if not dealt with.  So here we go again.

She's strong and we're strong, but this still really bites the big one. 

My poor little fighter...

More to come later.

Google+ n Stuff

Do you see me?  I'm under that rock.  Have been for some time now.  It's awfully interesting under this rock, and I've been very happy here; however I'm getting tired of the same scenery and occasionally I'm now peeking out to see what else is out there. 

It looks different. It's a bit mysterious and many new things have sprouted over the various seasons that have come and gone. Stuff I need to know about if I'm going to go back out there, to that job that pays me so that we can live in our shiny new house.

I only know about a few new shiny toys out there - Google+, Pinterest...but there are many many more I must explore!  I'm both excited and trepidatious about this - how will I find the time? Which creations are the most applicable to the public service? What are the ins and outs of each, and what about analytics, policies and management?  So much to see and learn!!!

So, my social media savvy friends.  What new shiny toys have the greatest potential for use by, or consideration for, the public service?

What new info is out about security, analysis, and management of social media properties for government? 

What are your favourite articles of recent release that can kickstart my exploration of the world beyond my rock?

Respectfully yours,
She who has spawned under a rock but now must leave the hiding place to seek out sustenance for her family

One week in - a Me2MILF update

Great start.  Fantastic week.  Feel so very very good already.  Monday night, beach volleyball.  Wednesday night, indoor volleyball tryout where I illustrated to myself (a highly critical judge) that I'm not that far off where I used to be and just have to drop a few pounds, work on my vertical, and get some practice in to become the player I used to be. Thursday was another swimming night (I really love being back in the pool again) where I squeezed in 94 laps before the swim time ended - we got there a bit late. And then Friday was my first jogging excursion with Kerry, my very excellent teacher and good friend.  Jogging is MUCH more pleasant when you start slow in intervals and chat with a friend at the same time.  Just saying.

In the move, I don't know where our tape measure is to gauge the size of my tummy, but visually, it has already undergone a BIG change. I am so very very very very very happy to see a change this early. This stomach is the single most important physical protrusion I need to see eliminated in this effort. If I recall (have to go back a few posts), I started at 47" around. Will hopefully post the updated measurement soon. 

Weight-wise, I am down about 5-7 lbs, depending on my eating, hydration level and time of day. There will be a big celebration when I get back down under 200.  Have a ways to go on that one, but you will certainly hear about it when it happens!!!

Hubby has gone out jogging separately too, two times, and feels better when he goes also.  On one hand, I love that when I get moving, he tends to follow suit.  On the other, I sometimes wish I had a guy that motivates ME to stay really active.  But, you know, it's nice having someone who knows how to chill and is laid back sometimes too.  I just need to be a little less easily influenced, and stay on the influencer side of things, right?

In any event, the journey continues to figure out the way to work in mommy fit time. So far, I'm still motivated to head out in the evenings and give up my TV and relaxation time, but I also know I have some obligations to take care of, like I STILL have thank you cards to send out for baby gifts. That's nuts and so I need to make some time for that.  Next week's schedule: Monday, jogging. Tuesday, swimming. Wednesday, another volleyball team tryout. Thursday, swimming. Friday, jogging. Weekend, one more jog. 

That's a lot of activity, folks.  If I can do that, and stick to some good portion control and reasonable food, I should be golden.

How are you feeling these days?

So far - a Me2MILF update

A slowish start...

I mean, technically I am here on the blog and NOT jogging - some of you may have been wondering (?) - but here's the deal.

I played beach volleyball last night.  I didn't totally suck (at the level I was playing).  I missed several overhand serves before I finally mustred enough power to get a serve over the net. I usually passed well, I generally set up my teammates well for hitting, and I myself got a couple of ok hits in and a number of hits that were 'just fine'. Not smashes, but hits, where my feet left the ground (slightly).  But I also hurt a bone or tendon or something in my foot (doh) and when I got into bed last night, I could barely move my right shoulder and certainly couldn't sleep on it. However I ate reasonable portions and only had a ceasar at the bar after the match (while others had wings and nachos.  VERY BIG DEAL for me to have avoided that boobytrap).

Today was another jaunt (yeah, cause that's what I do with two babies - jaunt) to the mall - the New Balance store to be exact - in another (my 4th) attempt to find runners to fit my crazy feet.  Didn't have my size in several of the options, and nothing did it for me, so now I must wait for the sizes to be shipped in.  Still don't know if they will fit, but at least there are a couple possibilities.  I get the pleasure, in the meantime, of returning the two pairs I have already purchased, at two separate locations of course, and trying to start this jogging journey using an old pair of runners that I had bought well before my pregnancy, that used to be too big (but certainly aren't anymore).  I think they are cross-trainers too...

So, when my gal pal Kerry messaged to tell me she wasn't up for mushy rain jogging, I was ready to jump at the chance to give up on tonight.  I frankly didn't know how I was going to run in my current condition.  Oh, and did I mention that the captain of the volleyball team considering me for their roster 'found' gym time tomorrow night, and so I have to suit up to try out for the team?  WAAAAAAAAH!  Finding this out led to a call I had to place to said captain to, uh, give her a 'heads up' about what she was going to see when I walked through the gym. 

I hated making that call. 

It's embarrasing to have to apologize for yourself before you even arrive or do anything, but the reality is that the captain, and one of her teammates, know of me only Before Twins, and thus would be shocked to see me now. I felt like they needed to know, in advance, where I am at, what is my plan, and what was the story behind all this.  The conversation went well, and I think I conveyed to her clearly that I really just need someone to give me a chance, and I know I'll be right back at it. I've conquered my weight before and I will do it again.

So.  Tomorrow is another day, the shoulder will have had some rest and we will see how the foot will perform tomorrow. I get to use those same cross trainers mentioned above (my volleyball shoes are way too small now) to play in, so that's not ideal, and I have no idea where my volleyball pads are.  Sigh.  Guess I better get off here and go foraging!

Me2MILF

Ok, so now that I've got the 'woe is me' craptacular piss-fest off my chest, this is the week, my friends.  This is the week that I get back on the beach volleyball court (tomorrow night - gulp), start to jog - relying on another friend who 'gets' how hard this will be - and continue on my swimming all in an effort to turn all this around. Yeah, it may only be at half-steam (or less) because by the time 8pm rolls around, I'm exhausted and want to relax on the couch, hit that PVR list button, and sip on a good glass of wine, but it's the only time I have, and I'm going to make it work and just see what happens.

I've been somewhere approximating here before, you know.  Those that didn't know me 3 years ago (holy crap - has it been that long already?) will not know that for 2.5 years prior to that, I was a Greco Lean & Fit diehard. I started at about 25lbs overweight, lost 29lbs in 10 weeks and then just kept going, working out three times a week for many many months.  I looked and felt great.

This time? I'm, uh, well, let's see now.  I don't think I should set a goal to EVER be that light again - not realistic and much of it was based on major dietary sacrifices, and let's be clear - I WILL NOT GIVE UP WINE NOR DELICIOUS FOOD and certainly not permanently. So let's say I am about 35-40lbs away from an ideal weight for my age/time of life. Another major difference? A gap in my stomach muscles that I need to correct, and if not possible to reduce through exercise, then perhaps surgically. And finally?  I happen to have no time for leisurely workouts, based on someone else's calendar schedule, and led by awesome trainers.  I have a very late time slot and it means I will essentially skip all free evening time, speed through dinner and get to bed later than my normal time. I'm gonna do it, 'cause that's what it's gonna take.

So when I can, I will post updates.  Yes, I happen to have a before shot of my torso, and will spare you that shot until I have a good comparison to put up against it, okay? (you are most welcome)  I will also be posting on the Losing It in Ottawa Facebook page, and on my Twitter account - this will keep me motivated and accountable.  I welcome and and all help, words of encouragement, and even mild chastising if the situation warrants, okay?  Look for the #losingitottawa hashtag, and for my newly adopted mantra #Me2MILF hashtag.

Maybe one of these days I'll get the 'looks' again...

Big, for me, is not beautiful

I haven't blogged for awhile. I've started and stopped many times. I have drafts, then don't... I just can't take y'all to where my head is sometimes right now. Wouldn't be prudent, and certainly wouldn't be my normal positive outlook posts.

So I'll start small.  I'll talk about some of the things that truly suck about my current physical makeup.

A) No matter how hot, I have to wear spandex shorts under my dresses to prevent chafing.
B) My hair looks awful pulled back these days - too much chin.
C) I can't wear my wedding band or engagement ring.
D) I can't wear any underwear other than granny panties - they roll down my belly when I bend over.
E) I'm wearing my maternity clothes - still - nine months after birth (See D for reasons as to why other shorts don't work)
F) I've been kicked off my competitve volleyball team, even though it means the world to me to get out, once a week, and feel like a normal adult woman again, and not just Mommy, and connect with what were (are?) longtime friends.
G) It resembles an issue that might be in the family where no matter how hard I try, I might not be able to get rid of my stomach. This is scary, and kinda makes me delay the insane effort it might take to try.
H) I go swimming, and although slower (obviously) than I was when I played university waterpolo, I feel great in the water, only to catch sight of myself in the mirror of the changeroom and think "They must wonder how the hell I can swim like that when I look like this"
I) I know I must start running - nothing else will do - to start on this journey, but more than the effort it takes to train my lungs to handle the cardio, I'm cowed by the thought of everything jiggling and people watching me shuffle along.
J) My self-esteem is in the toilet.
I could say a lot more, but I'll stop there. I find it interesting that I had to go back numerous times to add back in the possessive personal pronoun when I had (protectively perhaps) switched unconsciously to the impersonal 'you'.

Ok. I'll hit publish soon, but not before I say this.  I am so very very happy with my life, my girls, my incredible fortune. I recognize that I must summon something inside of myself to rally against the dark thoughts, self-pity. I even get down on myself for feeling this way, when there is so much to be happy about.

And I laugh numerous times in a day.  Beautiful, sweet, giggly good-natured twin babies have that effect on one...