After 2pm today, I was finally free to think of this latest news as being on its way to over. And then...I planted. And weeded. And moved perennials. And felt better knowing that I was surrounded by life and sunshine and getting my hands dirty in order to feel cleansed. It truly succeeded in soothing me; it was remarkable.
I don't begin to know why this happened to us. Again. I also don't really know what to say, feel, think, do with myself. I certqainly can't even contemplate going back to my usual life again. It's a daunting prospect, and I think I am going to need some time in relative solitude to cope. My husband, who is hurting and so very frustrated at being powerless to help or do anything, is all I want, and even when he hugs me, I feel like I just can't get close enough. I wish I could just meld into his skin and just not be me for a little while, you know?
And now that the sun is setting and I can't distract myself anymore with gardening, I am SO FRIGGIN' THANKFUL that there is something to watch on tv to help me stay distracted - So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD) - and so here I go, watching beauty in motion and emotion. Should be good...
And tomorrow will be another day.
Tomorrow will be another day. You're right. And each day will suck just a little bit less until you're able to breathe again. All you can do is put one foot in front of the next, Pam. That's it. This will always hurt, but not like it does now. One day at a time. Lean on those who love ya. Big hugs.
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