So this morning I took my daughters to an appointment at the hospital with an ear, nose, throat doctor who specializes in frenectomies. That is, she snips the little band of skin under the tongues of certain babies who have what they have nicknamed 'tongue-tie'.
First, can I just say that getting them fed, cleaned up, MOMMY cleaned up, packed up and out the door in time for a morning appointment is suicide with one person? I got er' done, but we were a few minutes late, needless to say...
Back to the procedure. A teeny bit traumatizing. Blood coming out of your babies' mouths is never fun to see. They were upset. I could only hold one baby to breastfeed/soothe at a time. Thankfully I had Daddy with me (good call Mommy!) and eventually we got them settled down.
Now the fun really begins...again.
By again, I mean that I feel like we have a clean slate again and it's time to give it one last college try to get my milk in at the level I need, get my two little girls feeding on the breast almost exclusively (I will never eliminate the bottle completely - are you crazy? A little potential freedom is necessary my friends!!!), and see if we can get to the point where I can tandem feed. This little last point is a biggie.
Why? Well, because when you are by yourself at home, there are inevitably many times during the day when both girls are fussy and hungry at the same time. It is not fun to know that you are picking and choosing which babies to make happy first, and leaving the other to cry. Not fun at all. I'd understandably like to eliminate this from my daily diet.
Now, a few hours after the procedure, I have an inconsolable baby on my hand. Both, actually, have been highly fussy, but I'm being rejected by poor little Hailey, and in fact, she won't take a bottle either. Nothing in her mouth at all, actually. She's angry, she's upset, she's red and blotchy and has tears streaming down her face - she's fed up. Just totally over being poked, prodded and cut. Mommy feels rejected, helpless and unable to help her baby. It's been a long afternoon...
Thank god for Daddy who came home, calmly rocked her, soothed her and has, after a good chunk of quiet time (and a little bit of baby Tylenol), succeeded in getting her to take the bottle I had prepared a good hour ago...She's taking it now, and I can feel the tension seeping out of my shoulders. Man, I am emotional these days...
This breastfeeding stuff, I have already said, is the hardest job I have ever taken on in my life.
I hope tomorrow is better, and every day after that is better and better. I really want this to work...
Oh my Pam, you are working so hard, and you are doing so well. I found breastfeeding to be the hardest thing I have ever done and I only had to feed one child! You are amazing, don't ever forget that.
ReplyDeleteYou are incredible. Hang in there. Im so glad your husband helps you out. I hope youre at least getting SOME sleep. xo
ReplyDeleteYou know, in the interest in full and unabashed disclosure, it is thanks to both my husband and my daughter Alexandra that I actually get a good sleep almost every night. Alex has taken to sleeping anywhere from 7 to even 10 hours straight on average at night, and Daddy feeds Hailey her bottles at night. That said, when he gets up to feed her, I get up to pump to keep her bottled supply up, so I don't sleep through all that time! It's what is keeping me positive and going, though, and I am very, very lucky. Thanks for the kudos everyone - we all do what we have to in order to get through it, right?
ReplyDeleteOh Pam... I remember this was tough even without all you have been through. My girls only started tandem feeding around 3 months ... because when one starts sucking hard the other drowns in milk. Your girls are just gorgeous and looks like you are holding your own. I'm proud of you.. congrats and take it one day or one hour at a time. :-)
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