Saved by the dragon - can love, courage and concentration affect outcome?

So last night was the first night since very early childhood I can recall sleeping with a stuffed animal.  Dylan, the interactive dragon, has found a very soft spot in my heart and is waiting, patiently, to have a little baby or babies to love it. Dylan provided me with some comfort yesterday after a miserable day.

What's up? Well, the day started wonderfully.  We were excited to have another ultrasound and see our lovely twin daughters again. Mommy has been loving pregnancy and feeling great, and the kicks were a great sign that all was well.  And at first, it was.  My parents were with us to see their grand-daughters for the first time, and the Civic high-risk unit was very receptive to having them there.  Boy, they were thorough.  So thorough, in fact, that after a lengthy time, and after my parents left excited and happy, I had a second ultrasound with the doctor on duty in the unit.

It was then, after he looked around for another 5 minutes or so, that he was forced to look at us and say "there's something wrong with one of the babies".

You never want to hear these words folks.  You really, really don't.

The optimist in me kept trying to come up with questions and things to say that would make things better.  Was there any possibility that this situation could rectify itself? No. Could I still try and deliver vaginally? Unlikely. When will we know for sure if she was going to be okay?  Not sure if we will have any good answers until the birth, if she makes it that far...

You see, baby B had somewhere along the line developed a  hernia that meant there was a hole in her diaphram.  Not a severe issue in and of itself, except that at some point, as I understand it, her tiny developing stomach migrated through the hole and took up residence beside her little heart, which is a spot normally reserved for her lungs.  IF it is just a hernia, and not a sign of some other contributing issue (it might be a sign that the baby has Downs and now we must have an amnio in order to find out), and IF somehow the baby's lungs are able to develop enough, we MAY be able to save the baby with a quick surgery after birth, but there's a real chance, from what we gather, that she won't make it. And there is nothing we can do about it, except pray for a significant amount of luck.

So what do we do?  We are now being tranfered to the General, and to CHEO as necessary, and will have a number of appointments with specialists, surgeons and go through a number of tests and monitoring ultrasounds to watch and wait.  We can, at the very least, get the amnio to obtain an answer there, but it won't mitigate the possibility that even if she survives, she may have some level of disability or handicap. I no longer have an OB, but the hospital will be my doctor.  Not sure what will be the outcome for my doulas...

And what is doubly hard (or a comfort, depending on my mindset at any given time) is knowing that baby A is fine, and healthy, and barring early onset of labour, should be with us, and with Dylan the dragon, in due time. We have to keep going as if we are fine and are having twins, because...at this point, we ARE, and thinking otherwise is thinking worst-case scenario.

Yes, by the way, after three miscarriages and now this, my natural sense of optimism is being severely tried.

Um, what else?  Oh, yes. There is a chance that due to this hernia issue, baby B's amniotic sac will develop too much fluid, which could affect my belly size, which could in turn increase the possibility for delivering prematurely, which, with this scenario, is doubly dangerous.  This means I have to be off work very soon - as soon as two weeks from now, and possibly earlier than that, in order to take it easy and focus on eating healthy and resting a lot. Thankfully, no requirement for bedrest as of yet...

So here's my question.  Can concentrating on all the beneficial things I can do to help the girls grow, can my intense love, and can a certain dose of courage to face what might be a very hard reality help affect the outcome here? 

It seems to be all I have to offer. Anyone who thinks you control what happens in life is fooling themselves.

AND...to add insult to injury, after our unexpectedly lengthy appointment yesterday, we got a parking ticket.

Thank god I have my wonderfully strong husband, my caring parents and Dylan, the stuffed dragon, to get me through the next few months. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

The calming influence of chaos - who knew?

The 'transition' has begun. It's sheer and utter chaos in our home right now. We've torn up, torn down and moved around everything in order to start all the renos necessary to prepare for the twins. What's best is that the vast majority of the chaos is being led by my baby-boomer generation parents, who know no end to the energy stores needed to work towards tackling even the most massive projects.  Where others intimidate, my fabulous parents dive in.  God bless them.

So what do we need to do? We are painting the entire upper floor, including all bedrooms (and the nursery of course). We have ripped out the two closets in the two spare rooms to make way for some custom solutions - can't wait to make a cool cubby-rich option for the twins with little bars for the occasional dress and lots of great solutions for storing their little socks, toys, etc. We have ordered the new carpet and the thickest underpad possible for the entire upper floor and stairs, so the painting has to be done, then we will rip out the carpet and get ready for that installation.

What else?  Well, we are having a great friend of ours, a master custom carpenter Tobias create a wall storage, entertainment unit and bookshelf solution for our main floor that will hug three walls spanning the living room to the dining room - if we gotta stay in our great little home for a while longer, we need STORAGE!

We totally have to clean and organize our garage and buy some shelving solutions - it's gonna become a massive storage and workshop area - it never did fit a car in it anyway (stupid builders)...

Oh yeah - and we have to fully renovate and redo the basement to make room for an office/entertainment area and playroom for the twins.  We CANNOT have the big toys etc. on the main floor - no room.  So, we are gonna try get this done before they arrive.  Any great suggestions for awesome contractors? Please feel free to recommend!

Ah yes, and BTW, I will be creating a photo album for the nursery transformation.  Can't wait to see THIS...

...become a lovely, fun, vibrant nursery with white and bright stunning photography and colours.

And yes, the chaos means that things are getting done, and that makes Mommy start to relax, because that list above?  ... is long, and Momma don't have much time left!

The hourglass is half full, people!

This weekend, we hit the 20 week mark - and that's actually the halfway mark for a normal pregnancy, but having seen the stats this past weekend at the multiple birth classes, there were NO deliveries of twins past 40 weeks at the Civic, thus...uh...we are past the halfway point.

What does this mean? Um...apparently it means my feet are all of a sudden gonna start swelling ('cause that's what happened).  It means that I finally seem to be growing quickly (and by deduction, so must the babies be growing). And it means that I'm starting to finally get a little uncomfortable. I have had a wonderful pregnancy so far, but I know the tough part is on the way.  And the recent onslaught of heartburn hasn't been a welcome addition either!  BUT.

It's all worth it, right?

And so I have had a bummy, poopy, hormone-down kinda day today, but because the heat is on outside and the sun is shining, I am going to try to turn the tide by hitting the outdoor city pool shortly.  Nothing better than swimming under the sun.  Granted, there are guaranteed to be a number of unsupervised kids splashing around, so tranquil it won't be, but then...my life won't be very tranquil for much longer, so I best get used to that environment, hmmmm?

How about you?  What did you do to get out of a hormonal funk while pregnant?

It all starts here...Ready, set, GO!

So yeah...it almost feels like this week is when the pregnancy was all of a sudden 'legitimate' and we hit the ground running.  We have an immense amount to do, but more than that...to learn!  Tomorrow marks our first of three multiple birthing classes, and ready or not (especially for my husband), we're gonna be exposed to all sorts of new things - and likely images - and all of a sudden, it's going to be very REAL, you know?  It's friggin' exciting...

Also, we've decided on a number of items for the babies - our little girls - and are entirely confused over many other decisions to be made. That is where my mommy friends and readers will hopefully weigh in.  You will see that I have added a tab here on this blog called the wish list that is, essentially, going to act as a 'registry in progress', starting out as a list of what we THINK we want, transition based on feedback into final decisions as to the list of must haves, and then become the 'official' registry.  So...baby mommas out there, sharpen your editing skills and help a girl out!

Hoping to get a number of items up on the list tonight, but please feel MORE than free to make suggestions for this hapless new mommy to be of twins in advance of the lists - any help is welcomed, and links to the products you are recommending are even better!

Things to keep in mind:

• We have a small home with limited storage, but we are having twins.  How the heck can we avoid getting two of everything, and where are there opportunities to pick up 2, 3 and 4-in-one convertible items
• Although I hate pink, I know we will put pink physically ON the little ladies, however the nursery will be decorated in white with white furniture and bright, saturated coloured photos and hopefully blankets, crib sheets etc. If you know where I can get crib sheets n stuff that isn't pastel and filled with little cartoon characters, let me know!
• We know what stroller we want and what car seats we want, but the rest is up for debate.  Please debate - it will help us be certain of what we want!

So yeah.  New carpets are now on order, paints have been researched and will be purchased soon, and ya know...stuff is happening!