In a recent blog post on Losing it in Ottawa, I talked about next year not in terms of losing weight, but in terms of fixing my inner voice; my attitude. I am simply tired of the constant stream of self-criticism I put myself through. I want to see how I end up looking on the outside when I fix what's going through my head (and coming out of my mouth, and showing on my face, and being illustrated by my body language, etc.) and focus ONLY on that.
And frankly, I want to see if I can become one of those people about whom others say, "She's the type of person who can never say a bad thing about anyone else!" and who simply chooses to be an optimist. I generally feel I am already optimistic, but, you know....we could all improve, right?
I'm not one for resolutions. I kindof started my new attitude about 3-4 weeks ago, when I embraced the Christmas season and stopped trying to drag myself out to the pool or the gym or whatever just to feel more stressed and put aside all the other things I wanted to get done. Now, granted, I DID feel less stressed, but I did NOT make positive choices. And that's fine. For the holidays.
And now, as 2012 approaches, it's time. Time to accept myself, live life as fully as possible, have fun and see what happens when I value myself, value my wonderful life and girls and husband, and just LIVE.
How does that sound to you? Are you changing your approach at all this coming year?
Showing posts with label Battle of the bulge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Battle of the bulge. Show all posts
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The Purge
It has begun. I dug out all 5 bins of clothing, and I systematically went through them in preparation for my clothing swap party on October 1.
It was hard.
On one hand, it felt SOOO GOOOD to get organized and think about (hopefully) all the very happy people who will be able to walk away from my home with arms laden with serious amounts of high-quality, name brand exercise gear, footware, business suits, golf clothes - you name it, and I have it to give away.
On the other hand? I stared in disbelief at some of the clothes that I used to wear only 3.5 years ago. They looked like they belonged to a teenager compared to my current attire. It was humbling, and yes, depressing. I know that I never will get back there, but then, I also recall with acute memory the sacrifices I was making back then to look like that. It isn't sustainable. But still....hard to let go and hard to accept the new me, in whatever shape and form that is going to be.
So here is what I think about all this. It may 'get to me' right now, but I KNOW it will feel great to have a fresh start. I KNOW that I will eventually lose this tummy (and frankly, if, after giving it a GOOD strong try, it doesn't go away, I will GET it fixed so that I can be happy about myself) and that I will find a balance where I feel healthy, strong, happy and still have time in my life for all the little treasures and pleasures that are all around us everyday.
Yes, my friends, the purge is on. How about you - what do you have to purge from your life?
It was hard.
On one hand, it felt SOOO GOOOD to get organized and think about (hopefully) all the very happy people who will be able to walk away from my home with arms laden with serious amounts of high-quality, name brand exercise gear, footware, business suits, golf clothes - you name it, and I have it to give away.
On the other hand? I stared in disbelief at some of the clothes that I used to wear only 3.5 years ago. They looked like they belonged to a teenager compared to my current attire. It was humbling, and yes, depressing. I know that I never will get back there, but then, I also recall with acute memory the sacrifices I was making back then to look like that. It isn't sustainable. But still....hard to let go and hard to accept the new me, in whatever shape and form that is going to be.
So here is what I think about all this. It may 'get to me' right now, but I KNOW it will feel great to have a fresh start. I KNOW that I will eventually lose this tummy (and frankly, if, after giving it a GOOD strong try, it doesn't go away, I will GET it fixed so that I can be happy about myself) and that I will find a balance where I feel healthy, strong, happy and still have time in my life for all the little treasures and pleasures that are all around us everyday.
Yes, my friends, the purge is on. How about you - what do you have to purge from your life?
Sunday, August 14, 2011
One week in - a Me2MILF update
Great start. Fantastic week. Feel so very very good already. Monday night, beach volleyball. Wednesday night, indoor volleyball tryout where I illustrated to myself (a highly critical judge) that I'm not that far off where I used to be and just have to drop a few pounds, work on my vertical, and get some practice in to become the player I used to be. Thursday was another swimming night (I really love being back in the pool again) where I squeezed in 94 laps before the swim time ended - we got there a bit late. And then Friday was my first jogging excursion with Kerry, my very excellent teacher and good friend. Jogging is MUCH more pleasant when you start slow in intervals and chat with a friend at the same time. Just saying.
In the move, I don't know where our tape measure is to gauge the size of my tummy, but visually, it has already undergone a BIG change. I am so very very very very very happy to see a change this early. This stomach is the single most important physical protrusion I need to see eliminated in this effort. If I recall (have to go back a few posts), I started at 47" around. Will hopefully post the updated measurement soon.
Weight-wise, I am down about 5-7 lbs, depending on my eating, hydration level and time of day. There will be a big celebration when I get back down under 200. Have a ways to go on that one, but you will certainly hear about it when it happens!!!
Hubby has gone out jogging separately too, two times, and feels better when he goes also. On one hand, I love that when I get moving, he tends to follow suit. On the other, I sometimes wish I had a guy that motivates ME to stay really active. But, you know, it's nice having someone who knows how to chill and is laid back sometimes too. I just need to be a little less easily influenced, and stay on the influencer side of things, right?
In any event, the journey continues to figure out the way to work in mommy fit time. So far, I'm still motivated to head out in the evenings and give up my TV and relaxation time, but I also know I have some obligations to take care of, like I STILL have thank you cards to send out for baby gifts. That's nuts and so I need to make some time for that. Next week's schedule: Monday, jogging. Tuesday, swimming. Wednesday, another volleyball team tryout. Thursday, swimming. Friday, jogging. Weekend, one more jog.
That's a lot of activity, folks. If I can do that, and stick to some good portion control and reasonable food, I should be golden.
How are you feeling these days?
In the move, I don't know where our tape measure is to gauge the size of my tummy, but visually, it has already undergone a BIG change. I am so very very very very very happy to see a change this early. This stomach is the single most important physical protrusion I need to see eliminated in this effort. If I recall (have to go back a few posts), I started at 47" around. Will hopefully post the updated measurement soon.
Weight-wise, I am down about 5-7 lbs, depending on my eating, hydration level and time of day. There will be a big celebration when I get back down under 200. Have a ways to go on that one, but you will certainly hear about it when it happens!!!
Hubby has gone out jogging separately too, two times, and feels better when he goes also. On one hand, I love that when I get moving, he tends to follow suit. On the other, I sometimes wish I had a guy that motivates ME to stay really active. But, you know, it's nice having someone who knows how to chill and is laid back sometimes too. I just need to be a little less easily influenced, and stay on the influencer side of things, right?
In any event, the journey continues to figure out the way to work in mommy fit time. So far, I'm still motivated to head out in the evenings and give up my TV and relaxation time, but I also know I have some obligations to take care of, like I STILL have thank you cards to send out for baby gifts. That's nuts and so I need to make some time for that. Next week's schedule: Monday, jogging. Tuesday, swimming. Wednesday, another volleyball team tryout. Thursday, swimming. Friday, jogging. Weekend, one more jog.
That's a lot of activity, folks. If I can do that, and stick to some good portion control and reasonable food, I should be golden.
How are you feeling these days?
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
So far - a Me2MILF update
A slowish start...
I mean, technically I am here on the blog and NOT jogging - some of you may have been wondering (?) - but here's the deal.
I played beach volleyball last night. I didn't totally suck (at the level I was playing). I missed several overhand serves before I finally mustred enough power to get a serve over the net. I usually passed well, I generally set up my teammates well for hitting, and I myself got a couple of ok hits in and a number of hits that were 'just fine'. Not smashes, but hits, where my feet left the ground (slightly). But I also hurt a bone or tendon or something in my foot (doh) and when I got into bed last night, I could barely move my right shoulder and certainly couldn't sleep on it. However I ate reasonable portions and only had a ceasar at the bar after the match (while others had wings and nachos. VERY BIG DEAL for me to have avoided that boobytrap).
Today was another jaunt (yeah, cause that's what I do with two babies - jaunt) to the mall - the New Balance store to be exact - in another (my 4th) attempt to find runners to fit my crazy feet. Didn't have my size in several of the options, and nothing did it for me, so now I must wait for the sizes to be shipped in. Still don't know if they will fit, but at least there are a couple possibilities. I get the pleasure, in the meantime, of returning the two pairs I have already purchased, at two separate locations of course, and trying to start this jogging journey using an old pair of runners that I had bought well before my pregnancy, that used to be too big (but certainly aren't anymore). I think they are cross-trainers too...
So, when my gal pal Kerry messaged to tell me she wasn't up for mushy rain jogging, I was ready to jump at the chance to give up on tonight. I frankly didn't know how I was going to run in my current condition. Oh, and did I mention that the captain of the volleyball team considering me for their roster 'found' gym time tomorrow night, and so I have to suit up to try out for the team? WAAAAAAAAH! Finding this out led to a call I had to place to said captain to, uh, give her a 'heads up' about what she was going to see when I walked through the gym.
I hated making that call.
It's embarrasing to have to apologize for yourself before you even arrive or do anything, but the reality is that the captain, and one of her teammates, know of me only Before Twins, and thus would be shocked to see me now. I felt like they needed to know, in advance, where I am at, what is my plan, and what was the story behind all this. The conversation went well, and I think I conveyed to her clearly that I really just need someone to give me a chance, and I know I'll be right back at it. I've conquered my weight before and I will do it again.
So. Tomorrow is another day, the shoulder will have had some rest and we will see how the foot will perform tomorrow. I get to use those same cross trainers mentioned above (my volleyball shoes are way too small now) to play in, so that's not ideal, and I have no idea where my volleyball pads are. Sigh. Guess I better get off here and go foraging!
I mean, technically I am here on the blog and NOT jogging - some of you may have been wondering (?) - but here's the deal.
I played beach volleyball last night. I didn't totally suck (at the level I was playing). I missed several overhand serves before I finally mustred enough power to get a serve over the net. I usually passed well, I generally set up my teammates well for hitting, and I myself got a couple of ok hits in and a number of hits that were 'just fine'. Not smashes, but hits, where my feet left the ground (slightly). But I also hurt a bone or tendon or something in my foot (doh) and when I got into bed last night, I could barely move my right shoulder and certainly couldn't sleep on it. However I ate reasonable portions and only had a ceasar at the bar after the match (while others had wings and nachos. VERY BIG DEAL for me to have avoided that boobytrap).
Today was another jaunt (yeah, cause that's what I do with two babies - jaunt) to the mall - the New Balance store to be exact - in another (my 4th) attempt to find runners to fit my crazy feet. Didn't have my size in several of the options, and nothing did it for me, so now I must wait for the sizes to be shipped in. Still don't know if they will fit, but at least there are a couple possibilities. I get the pleasure, in the meantime, of returning the two pairs I have already purchased, at two separate locations of course, and trying to start this jogging journey using an old pair of runners that I had bought well before my pregnancy, that used to be too big (but certainly aren't anymore). I think they are cross-trainers too...
So, when my gal pal Kerry messaged to tell me she wasn't up for mushy rain jogging, I was ready to jump at the chance to give up on tonight. I frankly didn't know how I was going to run in my current condition. Oh, and did I mention that the captain of the volleyball team considering me for their roster 'found' gym time tomorrow night, and so I have to suit up to try out for the team? WAAAAAAAAH! Finding this out led to a call I had to place to said captain to, uh, give her a 'heads up' about what she was going to see when I walked through the gym.
I hated making that call.
It's embarrasing to have to apologize for yourself before you even arrive or do anything, but the reality is that the captain, and one of her teammates, know of me only Before Twins, and thus would be shocked to see me now. I felt like they needed to know, in advance, where I am at, what is my plan, and what was the story behind all this. The conversation went well, and I think I conveyed to her clearly that I really just need someone to give me a chance, and I know I'll be right back at it. I've conquered my weight before and I will do it again.
So. Tomorrow is another day, the shoulder will have had some rest and we will see how the foot will perform tomorrow. I get to use those same cross trainers mentioned above (my volleyball shoes are way too small now) to play in, so that's not ideal, and I have no idea where my volleyball pads are. Sigh. Guess I better get off here and go foraging!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Me2MILF
Ok, so now that I've got the 'woe is me' craptacular piss-fest off my chest, this is the week, my friends. This is the week that I get back on the beach volleyball court (tomorrow night - gulp), start to jog - relying on another friend who 'gets' how hard this will be - and continue on my swimming all in an effort to turn all this around. Yeah, it may only be at half-steam (or less) because by the time 8pm rolls around, I'm exhausted and want to relax on the couch, hit that PVR list button, and sip on a good glass of wine, but it's the only time I have, and I'm going to make it work and just see what happens.
I've been somewhere approximating here before, you know. Those that didn't know me 3 years ago (holy crap - has it been that long already?) will not know that for 2.5 years prior to that, I was a Greco Lean & Fit diehard. I started at about 25lbs overweight, lost 29lbs in 10 weeks and then just kept going, working out three times a week for many many months. I looked and felt great.
This time? I'm, uh, well, let's see now. I don't think I should set a goal to EVER be that light again - not realistic and much of it was based on major dietary sacrifices, and let's be clear - I WILL NOT GIVE UP WINE NOR DELICIOUS FOOD and certainly not permanently. So let's say I am about 35-40lbs away from an ideal weight for my age/time of life. Another major difference? A gap in my stomach muscles that I need to correct, and if not possible to reduce through exercise, then perhaps surgically. And finally? I happen to have no time for leisurely workouts, based on someone else's calendar schedule, and led by awesome trainers. I have a very late time slot and it means I will essentially skip all free evening time, speed through dinner and get to bed later than my normal time. I'm gonna do it, 'cause that's what it's gonna take.
So when I can, I will post updates. Yes, I happen to have a before shot of my torso, and will spare you that shot until I have a good comparison to put up against it, okay? (you are most welcome) I will also be posting on the Losing It in Ottawa Facebook page, and on my Twitter account - this will keep me motivated and accountable. I welcome and and all help, words of encouragement, and even mild chastising if the situation warrants, okay? Look for the #losingitottawa hashtag, and for my newly adopted mantra #Me2MILF hashtag.
Maybe one of these days I'll get the 'looks' again...
I've been somewhere approximating here before, you know. Those that didn't know me 3 years ago (holy crap - has it been that long already?) will not know that for 2.5 years prior to that, I was a Greco Lean & Fit diehard. I started at about 25lbs overweight, lost 29lbs in 10 weeks and then just kept going, working out three times a week for many many months. I looked and felt great.
This time? I'm, uh, well, let's see now. I don't think I should set a goal to EVER be that light again - not realistic and much of it was based on major dietary sacrifices, and let's be clear - I WILL NOT GIVE UP WINE NOR DELICIOUS FOOD and certainly not permanently. So let's say I am about 35-40lbs away from an ideal weight for my age/time of life. Another major difference? A gap in my stomach muscles that I need to correct, and if not possible to reduce through exercise, then perhaps surgically. And finally? I happen to have no time for leisurely workouts, based on someone else's calendar schedule, and led by awesome trainers. I have a very late time slot and it means I will essentially skip all free evening time, speed through dinner and get to bed later than my normal time. I'm gonna do it, 'cause that's what it's gonna take.
So when I can, I will post updates. Yes, I happen to have a before shot of my torso, and will spare you that shot until I have a good comparison to put up against it, okay? (you are most welcome) I will also be posting on the Losing It in Ottawa Facebook page, and on my Twitter account - this will keep me motivated and accountable. I welcome and and all help, words of encouragement, and even mild chastising if the situation warrants, okay? Look for the #losingitottawa hashtag, and for my newly adopted mantra #Me2MILF hashtag.
Maybe one of these days I'll get the 'looks' again...
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Big, for me, is not beautiful
I haven't blogged for awhile. I've started and stopped many times. I have drafts, then don't... I just can't take y'all to where my head is sometimes right now. Wouldn't be prudent, and certainly wouldn't be my normal positive outlook posts.
So I'll start small. I'll talk about some of the things that truly suck about my current physical makeup.
A) No matter how hot, I have to wear spandex shorts under my dresses to prevent chafing.
B) My hair looks awful pulled back these days - too much chin.
C) I can't wear my wedding band or engagement ring.
D) I can't wear any underwear other than granny panties - they roll down my belly when I bend over.
E) I'm wearing my maternity clothes - still - nine months after birth (See D for reasons as to why other shorts don't work)
F) I've been kicked off my competitve volleyball team, even though it means the world to me to get out, once a week, and feel like a normal adult woman again, and not just Mommy, and connect with what were (are?) longtime friends.
G) It resembles an issue that might be in the family where no matter how hard I try, I might not be able to get rid of my stomach. This is scary, and kinda makes me delay the insane effort it might take to try.
H) I go swimming, and although slower (obviously) than I was when I played university waterpolo, I feel great in the water, only to catch sight of myself in the mirror of the changeroom and think "They must wonder how the hell I can swim like that when I look like this"
I) I know I must start running - nothing else will do - to start on this journey, but more than the effort it takes to train my lungs to handle the cardio, I'm cowed by the thought of everything jiggling and people watching me shuffle along.
J) My self-esteem is in the toilet.
I could say a lot more, but I'll stop there. I find it interesting that I had to go back numerous times to add back in the possessive personal pronoun when I had (protectively perhaps) switched unconsciously to the impersonal 'you'.
Ok. I'll hit publish soon, but not before I say this. I am so very very happy with my life, my girls, my incredible fortune. I recognize that I must summon something inside of myself to rally against the dark thoughts, self-pity. I even get down on myself for feeling this way, when there is so much to be happy about.
And I laugh numerous times in a day. Beautiful, sweet, giggly good-natured twin babies have that effect on one...
So I'll start small. I'll talk about some of the things that truly suck about my current physical makeup.
A) No matter how hot, I have to wear spandex shorts under my dresses to prevent chafing.
B) My hair looks awful pulled back these days - too much chin.
C) I can't wear my wedding band or engagement ring.
D) I can't wear any underwear other than granny panties - they roll down my belly when I bend over.
E) I'm wearing my maternity clothes - still - nine months after birth (See D for reasons as to why other shorts don't work)
F) I've been kicked off my competitve volleyball team, even though it means the world to me to get out, once a week, and feel like a normal adult woman again, and not just Mommy, and connect with what were (are?) longtime friends.
G) It resembles an issue that might be in the family where no matter how hard I try, I might not be able to get rid of my stomach. This is scary, and kinda makes me delay the insane effort it might take to try.
H) I go swimming, and although slower (obviously) than I was when I played university waterpolo, I feel great in the water, only to catch sight of myself in the mirror of the changeroom and think "They must wonder how the hell I can swim like that when I look like this"
I) I know I must start running - nothing else will do - to start on this journey, but more than the effort it takes to train my lungs to handle the cardio, I'm cowed by the thought of everything jiggling and people watching me shuffle along.
J) My self-esteem is in the toilet.
I could say a lot more, but I'll stop there. I find it interesting that I had to go back numerous times to add back in the possessive personal pronoun when I had (protectively perhaps) switched unconsciously to the impersonal 'you'.
Ok. I'll hit publish soon, but not before I say this. I am so very very happy with my life, my girls, my incredible fortune. I recognize that I must summon something inside of myself to rally against the dark thoughts, self-pity. I even get down on myself for feeling this way, when there is so much to be happy about.
And I laugh numerous times in a day. Beautiful, sweet, giggly good-natured twin babies have that effect on one...
Friday, May 13, 2011
Losing it - Week What?
I'm losing it, alright...losing momentum. losing steam. losing motivation. Maybe even losing myself...
I can't believe that I am THAT mom. The one who looks at herself and can't be bothered. The one who has a lot going on in her life, and thus uses all of it as an excuse to stubbornly ignore how much she hates her body (and doesn't do anything about it but sabbotage it).
You see, I have worked hard in the past to lose weight. I know how ridiculously hard it is. And now, I have this strange belly that I can't be sure I CAN get rid of. This, by the way, is a very deep-seated fear. I watched my mom work out every day for decades trying to get rid of her belly. I watched her try to find clothes that looked good on her. I was always so happy I didn't seem to have that issue...
I have that issue.
I also recently went to an incredible seminar hosted by Suzanne at Kangaroo Fitness about how to repair my diastasis recti. It's AMAZING the tranformation that is possible. Possible IF one works their stomachs off doing crazy amounts of daily exercises and changes their lifestyle to roll off of couches and out of beds, and never bends over to pick things up, or gets on all fours to do things. Try doing that with twin babies folks. I still haven't figured out how the hell that would work. And the exercises? Painful due to my serious lack of any core muscles right now. Crazy hard. And there is a follow up workshop I have to show my face at in two weeks. I also have a splint that is also uncomfortable. Maybe it would be less so if I wasn't so damned big, but I'm not starting from the greatest waist measurement, ya know?
And what's crazy is that I am unhappy while being totally happy. How does THAT work? I love everything about my life right now, except how I look.
But sometimes? That's enough to ruin my day, or cast a pall over the great moments. And that sucks.
Not sure what I want with all this boo hooing, but I just felt like getting it down and admitting my issue. I THINK at some point I will hit that wall I hit the first time I decided to get fit, and get down to business, but at the moment, I just look in the mirror and am overwhelmed knowing how much work I have ahead of me.
I need a posse, I think. Thoughts from my blog gallery?
I can't believe that I am THAT mom. The one who looks at herself and can't be bothered. The one who has a lot going on in her life, and thus uses all of it as an excuse to stubbornly ignore how much she hates her body (and doesn't do anything about it but sabbotage it).
You see, I have worked hard in the past to lose weight. I know how ridiculously hard it is. And now, I have this strange belly that I can't be sure I CAN get rid of. This, by the way, is a very deep-seated fear. I watched my mom work out every day for decades trying to get rid of her belly. I watched her try to find clothes that looked good on her. I was always so happy I didn't seem to have that issue...
I have that issue.
I also recently went to an incredible seminar hosted by Suzanne at Kangaroo Fitness about how to repair my diastasis recti. It's AMAZING the tranformation that is possible. Possible IF one works their stomachs off doing crazy amounts of daily exercises and changes their lifestyle to roll off of couches and out of beds, and never bends over to pick things up, or gets on all fours to do things. Try doing that with twin babies folks. I still haven't figured out how the hell that would work. And the exercises? Painful due to my serious lack of any core muscles right now. Crazy hard. And there is a follow up workshop I have to show my face at in two weeks. I also have a splint that is also uncomfortable. Maybe it would be less so if I wasn't so damned big, but I'm not starting from the greatest waist measurement, ya know?
And what's crazy is that I am unhappy while being totally happy. How does THAT work? I love everything about my life right now, except how I look.
But sometimes? That's enough to ruin my day, or cast a pall over the great moments. And that sucks.
Not sure what I want with all this boo hooing, but I just felt like getting it down and admitting my issue. I THINK at some point I will hit that wall I hit the first time I decided to get fit, and get down to business, but at the moment, I just look in the mirror and am overwhelmed knowing how much work I have ahead of me.
I need a posse, I think. Thoughts from my blog gallery?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Week Three - Losing it Ottawa
Quick post - down one more pound. No big changes, except to say the weather has finally turned, I think, allowing me to escape forth out of my funk and into an outdoorsy, sunny frame of mind to get MUCH more exercise and feel much more inclined to eat a salad over, say, tonight's insanely delicious Onion Leek soup with Sage and Cheddar a la Jamie Oliver.
I don't know about you, but if the weather is dreary and sleet is falling from the sky, I reach for blubber-generating goodness. 's'all I'm sayin.
Went for a 2 hour jaunt with two other moms of twins today - felt great. More to come, and the Chariot will get used in a big way next week. I promise myself this much!
How are you doing?
I don't know about you, but if the weather is dreary and sleet is falling from the sky, I reach for blubber-generating goodness. 's'all I'm sayin.
Went for a 2 hour jaunt with two other moms of twins today - felt great. More to come, and the Chariot will get used in a big way next week. I promise myself this much!
How are you doing?
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
39 for the first time (Alternate Title: Mommy tummy time)
So this is it, then. Turning 39 for the first time tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really focus on age and also don't really care how old I am. HOWEVER. For the first time in my life, I am reallyfeeling my age. No. Feeling older than my age. I can't do what I want to do. I am physically incapable of doing what I used to do a short time ago. It's upsetting, and it needs to be addressed. Now.
Now, I know that I had twins just 5 months ago, and in the last two years, I was pregnant four times. And yes, I have had many tell me that it takes at least 9 months to recover from 9 months of carrying a child. Just as many have also tacked on: "YOU had TWINS." And a great little book I try to find time to read, Juggling Twins, had the following uplifting statement to make about that:
"Dragging your leftover weight around as those babies move through months and milestones feels a bit unfair, and it may be harder for you to see your cottage-cheesy bum as a heroic player in your kids' well-being. But it is. Well, it was, anyway. Try not to think of yourself as fat, but rather as still in the process of becoming unpregnant."
BUT. I just can't worry anymore about whether or not this tummy is permanent. I want OUT of my maternity clothes. I HATE wearing granny panties, but anything else just rolls when I bend over (kinda like those party noisemakers - you know the ones. Every time I adjust the material up, all it takes is a little movement and WHOOOP, it rolls back down. Right on top of my c-section scar, too, to add insult to injury). And not just ANY grannies. Nooooo. Size 2x ones! Egad! No WONDER I nearly squeel with surprise every time I catch sight of myself naked in the vanity mirror. Vanity? Hell no - I just wanna get rid of this weird deformed belly button, my friends!!!
So. Losing it in Ottawa, here I come. Who else is out there looking to start to shed some unwanted lumpy cheese? Are there other mommies about to start, like I am, to take one foot and put it in front of the other? Want to connect on Twitter, create a hashtag, or just share our journey? Who's got some fun apps for the iPhone to recommend?
Look for more details on what I plan to do, expect some gruesome photos to hopefully inspire a big 'after' reveal, since I will be HIGHLY motivated to erase all memory (yours and mine) of my appearance from this journal, and follow as I toss in some recipes, tips and whatever frustrations I have as I try 'transform' before my 40th birthday.
Last time I did this? It only took me 3 or 4 months. This time around, with two stunningly cute and dependent babies to prioritize, it will take longer. Think 12 months oughtta do it...
And hopefully by next year around this time? I'll be proud to say I am turning 40. 'Cause I'll have the body of a...hmmm....34? 36? 29 year old? Whatever.
All I know is I will be able to wear some lacy, frilly, satiny, thongy slice of fabric again. Without noisemakers.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really focus on age and also don't really care how old I am. HOWEVER. For the first time in my life, I am really
Now, I know that I had twins just 5 months ago, and in the last two years, I was pregnant four times. And yes, I have had many tell me that it takes at least 9 months to recover from 9 months of carrying a child. Just as many have also tacked on: "YOU had TWINS." And a great little book I try to find time to read, Juggling Twins, had the following uplifting statement to make about that:
"Dragging your leftover weight around as those babies move through months and milestones feels a bit unfair, and it may be harder for you to see your cottage-cheesy bum as a heroic player in your kids' well-being. But it is. Well, it was, anyway. Try not to think of yourself as fat, but rather as still in the process of becoming unpregnant."
BUT. I just can't worry anymore about whether or not this tummy is permanent. I want OUT of my maternity clothes. I HATE wearing granny panties, but anything else just rolls when I bend over (kinda like those party noisemakers - you know the ones. Every time I adjust the material up, all it takes is a little movement and WHOOOP, it rolls back down. Right on top of my c-section scar, too, to add insult to injury). And not just ANY grannies. Nooooo. Size 2x ones! Egad! No WONDER I nearly squeel with surprise every time I catch sight of myself naked in the vanity mirror. Vanity? Hell no - I just wanna get rid of this weird deformed belly button, my friends!!!
So. Losing it in Ottawa, here I come. Who else is out there looking to start to shed some unwanted lumpy cheese? Are there other mommies about to start, like I am, to take one foot and put it in front of the other? Want to connect on Twitter, create a hashtag, or just share our journey? Who's got some fun apps for the iPhone to recommend?
Look for more details on what I plan to do, expect some gruesome photos to hopefully inspire a big 'after' reveal, since I will be HIGHLY motivated to erase all memory (yours and mine) of my appearance from this journal, and follow as I toss in some recipes, tips and whatever frustrations I have as I try 'transform' before my 40th birthday.
Last time I did this? It only took me 3 or 4 months. This time around, with two stunningly cute and dependent babies to prioritize, it will take longer. Think 12 months oughtta do it...
And hopefully by next year around this time? I'll be proud to say I am turning 40. 'Cause I'll have the body of a...hmmm....34? 36? 29 year old? Whatever.
All I know is I will be able to wear some lacy, frilly, satiny, thongy slice of fabric again. Without noisemakers.
Monday, February 28, 2011
A little more like me
Okay that did it. I just saw Celine Dion on the red carpet. Damn bitch looks the same as she always has. What the hell? She just had twins too, or so I am told?
Sigh.
Yes, I'm tough on myself, but boy, did these two little goobers (and the three prior miscarriages) take a toll on my previously toned body. I've been focused on breastfeeding, and trying to enjoy my girls. I've taken time to fit in housecleaning and laundry. I've even fit in salsa babies and some snowshoeing. But if I am honest? I've been avoiding looking at myself or doing anything about myself.
I feel like crap.
Don't get me wrong - I'm happy as a clam. The joy these two bring to my life is immeasurable, but I've been at the precipice of body reality awakening before. I know this feeling. I know what a huge battle I have ahead of me to tackle getting back to a level of fitness and diet/lifestyle that makes me happy. It's a LOT of work. And I feel defeated at the thought of trying to fit this into the new life I am now leading, you know? Add to this that I think I may have issues with my stomach muscles (see my post under #4 about these issues), and I'm scared that if I don't act now, I won't ever get rid of this weird belly shape I am currently rocking.
I've done it before. I've been trained by the best. I've been a poster child for Greco Lean & Fit losing 29 pounds and 7.5% body fat in 10 weeks. I've worked under former Greco trainer Maryse, who is exceptional and now runs her own business (and, I might add, produces her own great videos and tips).
But it meant strict diet. It meant a heavy level of commitment. And it meant time, that I frankly don't have these days! That said? We head to the sunshine of the desert shortly for 2.5 weeks. I will have the opportunity to swim, hike the mountains, go for jogs if I decide to try, and just generally, I will be able to get active again. Will that be enough? Well, for the time I am there, yes, but when I am back here? Nope. I will have to do those ab exercises (blech) and I will have to turn down the chips, the chocolate, the fast food meals and then figure out how to work all the activity in between time with my baby girls. Not easy.
But necessary.
Oh...so necessary.
I won't look like Celine, but then...I really don't want to. I just want to look like me again. Ya know?
Sigh.
Yes, I'm tough on myself, but boy, did these two little goobers (and the three prior miscarriages) take a toll on my previously toned body. I've been focused on breastfeeding, and trying to enjoy my girls. I've taken time to fit in housecleaning and laundry. I've even fit in salsa babies and some snowshoeing. But if I am honest? I've been avoiding looking at myself or doing anything about myself.
I feel like crap.
Don't get me wrong - I'm happy as a clam. The joy these two bring to my life is immeasurable, but I've been at the precipice of body reality awakening before. I know this feeling. I know what a huge battle I have ahead of me to tackle getting back to a level of fitness and diet/lifestyle that makes me happy. It's a LOT of work. And I feel defeated at the thought of trying to fit this into the new life I am now leading, you know? Add to this that I think I may have issues with my stomach muscles (see my post under #4 about these issues), and I'm scared that if I don't act now, I won't ever get rid of this weird belly shape I am currently rocking.
I've done it before. I've been trained by the best. I've been a poster child for Greco Lean & Fit losing 29 pounds and 7.5% body fat in 10 weeks. I've worked under former Greco trainer Maryse, who is exceptional and now runs her own business (and, I might add, produces her own great videos and tips).
But it meant strict diet. It meant a heavy level of commitment. And it meant time, that I frankly don't have these days! That said? We head to the sunshine of the desert shortly for 2.5 weeks. I will have the opportunity to swim, hike the mountains, go for jogs if I decide to try, and just generally, I will be able to get active again. Will that be enough? Well, for the time I am there, yes, but when I am back here? Nope. I will have to do those ab exercises (blech) and I will have to turn down the chips, the chocolate, the fast food meals and then figure out how to work all the activity in between time with my baby girls. Not easy.
But necessary.
Oh...so necessary.
I won't look like Celine, but then...I really don't want to. I just want to look like me again. Ya know?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The home stretch - and I mean STRETCH
So this is it. Only three days left of the "Waist-loss Challenge". Will I beat Leslie? Will I win against Kerry? Will I come in LAST (which, by the way, would NOT be okay with me, Ms. Competitionado. But you know, I just can't seem to get back to that time, almost three years ago, when I was SO. BLOODY. HARDCORE. I NEVER strayed from the portions. I NEVER had more than one drink in a day and when I did it was ALWAYS red wine. I was insane. And yeah...I lost 29 lbs in only 10 weeks - and 7.5% body fat at the same time.
But like I said, that was insane. And really, do I want to live like that? No. Really really not. Really. NOT. So I haven't really gone back there again. I still go back and wonder how I let myself get back to where I had started three years ago, but then, I have to stop doing that, because bad times and two miscarriage kinda screw with your emotional eating tendancies, you know?
So anyways. I've been working out. I've been MOSTLY eating really healthy. I've been naughty...just once or twice....
and you know what? That's what makes me a more interesting person to be around.
And when you're naughty, it can also mean you are stretchy, right? Flexible? Adventurous? Seriously limber? Yes....working out is such a goooooood thing!
But like I said, that was insane. And really, do I want to live like that? No. Really really not. Really. NOT. So I haven't really gone back there again. I still go back and wonder how I let myself get back to where I had started three years ago, but then, I have to stop doing that, because bad times and two miscarriage kinda screw with your emotional eating tendancies, you know?
So anyways. I've been working out. I've been MOSTLY eating really healthy. I've been naughty...just once or twice....
and you know what? That's what makes me a more interesting person to be around.
And when you're naughty, it can also mean you are stretchy, right? Flexible? Adventurous? Seriously limber? Yes....working out is such a goooooood thing!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Hey - Why not be a BITCH?
You want to know what the heck I mean for this, don't you? Well...it's not what you think. What it is is GREAT advice for accomplishing tough goals. Like, say, losing weight the right way, and reaching the goals you set for yourself. If you have any interest at all in this, a recent blog post by a great friend and a phenomenal trainer I know can help. Check it out.
And, if this helps, then tell me what you did, how it went, and if it's a work in progres, how it is going.
Personally, the weight is dropping off slower this time around, since the biggest sacrifice is following the 'scientific' way of eating (another whole blog post sometime for the future), but I am pretty okay with the progress. I feel better, I am noticing a change in the way my clothes are fitting, and the tone of my skin, and as ALWAYS, my energy level is better and my positive attitude much more prominent day in and day out. And THAT, my friends, is more than enough reason to be taking care of myself and working out.
And it will hopefully mean that I beat Kerry and Leslie in the Waist-loss Challenge we've got goin' on!!!
ADDITIONAL NOTE:
I cannot say enough about a new 'fast food' restaurant that just opened up at Centrum Plaza here in Kanata - Mucho Burrito -! It's assemby-line fast food burritos, but capital Q quality ingredients, whole wheat tortilla options, and lots of homemade healthy salsas and other great toppings. Steak, chicken breast, chorizo sausage (ok, so that one's not so healthy) - all grilled on site. It has been a lifesaver for us for a healthy quick option for dinners and lunches here and there, and I hope to heck that some of these open up in other locations....maybe downtown would be nice!!!!
And, if this helps, then tell me what you did, how it went, and if it's a work in progres, how it is going.
Personally, the weight is dropping off slower this time around, since the biggest sacrifice is following the 'scientific' way of eating (another whole blog post sometime for the future), but I am pretty okay with the progress. I feel better, I am noticing a change in the way my clothes are fitting, and the tone of my skin, and as ALWAYS, my energy level is better and my positive attitude much more prominent day in and day out. And THAT, my friends, is more than enough reason to be taking care of myself and working out.
And it will hopefully mean that I beat Kerry and Leslie in the Waist-loss Challenge we've got goin' on!!!
ADDITIONAL NOTE:
I cannot say enough about a new 'fast food' restaurant that just opened up at Centrum Plaza here in Kanata - Mucho Burrito -! It's assemby-line fast food burritos, but capital Q quality ingredients, whole wheat tortilla options, and lots of homemade healthy salsas and other great toppings. Steak, chicken breast, chorizo sausage (ok, so that one's not so healthy) - all grilled on site. It has been a lifesaver for us for a healthy quick option for dinners and lunches here and there, and I hope to heck that some of these open up in other locations....maybe downtown would be nice!!!!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Throw-down, Hell No I Can't Slow Down!
Ah... what can motivate better than a good ol'fashioned waist-off, eh? The trash talk, the words of encouragement, the itemized lists of what was eaten and what was sweat out each day...
Two of my good girlfriends and I have a 6 week long diet and exercise competition in the works, deadline Sept. 11, with the objective of being the hot body who loses the greatest percentage of inches on 5 key body points. All three of us are/were horrified by the measurements, and yet we choose to drink a tall glass of water and sweat out the disgust. Not delve into the Hagen Daas. Kudos to all three of us.
But that still doesn't change the fact that there can be NO OTHER WINNER but me, baby!
Two of my good girlfriends and I have a 6 week long diet and exercise competition in the works, deadline Sept. 11, with the objective of being the hot body who loses the greatest percentage of inches on 5 key body points. All three of us are/were horrified by the measurements, and yet we choose to drink a tall glass of water and sweat out the disgust. Not delve into the Hagen Daas. Kudos to all three of us.
But that still doesn't change the fact that there can be NO OTHER WINNER but me, baby!
Controlled chaos and the excitement of a new kitchen
It's a new feeling for me, just watching something like this unfold before me. I have never had the money to afford to pay others to do home improvement jobs before, and I have to say, I am both excited and bored, patient and impatient, happy and kinda unhappy (I guess - just bummed that I am sitting here while it is happening). I am off for a week, but stuck here at home. Not truly motivated to do anything big, but getting a few little things done...just kinda waiting. (And heading to a workout shortly, of course - gotta beat Kerry and Leslie in the waist-loss challenge!)
but boy, is it looking good! Just wait until you see. There will DEFINITELY be before and after pix coming along shortly, but I will wait to post them.
I will cook some SEXY food in there, let me just say...
but boy, is it looking good! Just wait until you see. There will DEFINITELY be before and after pix coming along shortly, but I will wait to post them.
I will cook some SEXY food in there, let me just say...
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The case of the curiously NON skrinking stomach
HOLY CRAP I am hungry!
One bad weekend of overeating and lots of drinking, and all of a sudden your stomach is a cavernous, yawning, gaping hole that grumbles, mumbles and works every second to distract you from life as you know it. I can't even think right now!
So yeah...it takes a number of days to get your stomach down to a size where the signals you get from your brain are actual hunger. Down to a point where the right portions actually become somewhat filling. I'm not there right now. But I soon will be, because I've been there, done that, before, and so I can do it again.
And I have a side bet with a friend to get me through those times when it simply doesn't matter, and what I really want is a bag of chips and maybe even a Big Mac....and heaven help me when that happens!
One bad weekend of overeating and lots of drinking, and all of a sudden your stomach is a cavernous, yawning, gaping hole that grumbles, mumbles and works every second to distract you from life as you know it. I can't even think right now!
So yeah...it takes a number of days to get your stomach down to a size where the signals you get from your brain are actual hunger. Down to a point where the right portions actually become somewhat filling. I'm not there right now. But I soon will be, because I've been there, done that, before, and so I can do it again.
And I have a side bet with a friend to get me through those times when it simply doesn't matter, and what I really want is a bag of chips and maybe even a Big Mac....and heaven help me when that happens!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Another evening, another glass of wine
So far, so good. Eating well, played some beach volleyball tonight, and tomorrow night is another workout. I am excited to see positive change - and I know it will come, because I have seen it come before, and unless something is wrong physiologically, then the shape will come back, the stomach will dissipate, and thighs will firm up, and the energy and positivity will flow back in, and honestly? It will be VERY WELCOME....
Here's to making things happen for oneself and gittin' er' done.
My new motto: "Make Yourself Happy"
I like it, do you? If you had a current motto, what would it be?
Here's to making things happen for oneself and gittin' er' done.
My new motto: "Make Yourself Happy"
I like it, do you? If you had a current motto, what would it be?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Putting it in reverse
I'm now on the official road to recovery. I found myself heading at breakneck speed to a big town called 'Heftyville', and so now I have firmly put the car in reverse and am heading back home to 'Big-Boned but Athletic City'!
I may not be able to move my arms, shrug my shoulders or scrub my back right now, but I'm back on the "Lean & Fit" way of life. The diet, however, is 70% of the battle, and in our current - Big Mac I'm Lovin' It' - world, eating lean protein, green leafy veggies, and avoiding salt, sugar and saturated fat (I mean, SERIOUSLY) is like asking a dehydrated man trapped in the desert not to drink when offered a big, icy glass of cold water. It's truly a mental and physiological feat.
So what can a gal do? Well, one thing that worked last time I dropped all my weight was to avoid night time snacking by indulging in a long, slow, full glass of red wine. I nurse this thing each night for as long as possible so that all of a sudden I will look up and it will be bedtime. Or at least that's the theory. But right now, I am really hungry and there is a big bag of nachos and some salsa SCREAMING my name.
But I digress. Some workouts, some beach volleyball and even some swim workouts at lunch, paired with some BETTER eating, and this should work.
However it feels like a prison sentence sometimes to know that my metabolism, as it slows down, means I can't just eat for desire and flavour and enjoyment. Eating is now a science to be studied and followed, and straying will result in other, less desirable outcomes. Sad. So brutal.
But I'm gonna do it, and I'm gonna look HOT, right?
Right.
I want some chips...
I may not be able to move my arms, shrug my shoulders or scrub my back right now, but I'm back on the "Lean & Fit" way of life. The diet, however, is 70% of the battle, and in our current - Big Mac I'm Lovin' It' - world, eating lean protein, green leafy veggies, and avoiding salt, sugar and saturated fat (I mean, SERIOUSLY) is like asking a dehydrated man trapped in the desert not to drink when offered a big, icy glass of cold water. It's truly a mental and physiological feat.
So what can a gal do? Well, one thing that worked last time I dropped all my weight was to avoid night time snacking by indulging in a long, slow, full glass of red wine. I nurse this thing each night for as long as possible so that all of a sudden I will look up and it will be bedtime. Or at least that's the theory. But right now, I am really hungry and there is a big bag of nachos and some salsa SCREAMING my name.
But I digress. Some workouts, some beach volleyball and even some swim workouts at lunch, paired with some BETTER eating, and this should work.
However it feels like a prison sentence sometimes to know that my metabolism, as it slows down, means I can't just eat for desire and flavour and enjoyment. Eating is now a science to be studied and followed, and straying will result in other, less desirable outcomes. Sad. So brutal.
But I'm gonna do it, and I'm gonna look HOT, right?
Right.
I want some chips...
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