The Purge

It has begun. I dug out all 5 bins of clothing, and I systematically went through them in preparation for my clothing swap party on October 1.

It was hard.

On one hand, it felt SOOO GOOOD to get organized and think about (hopefully) all the very happy people who will be able to walk away from my home with arms laden with serious amounts of high-quality, name brand exercise gear, footware, business suits, golf clothes - you name it, and I have it to give away.

On the other hand?  I stared in disbelief at some of the clothes that I used to wear only 3.5 years ago.  They looked like they belonged to a teenager compared to my current attire. It was humbling, and yes, depressing. I know that I never will get back there, but then, I also recall with acute memory the sacrifices I was making back then to look like that.  It isn't sustainable.  But still....hard to let go and hard to accept the new me, in whatever shape and form that is going to be.

So here is what I think about all this. It may 'get to me' right now, but I KNOW it will feel great to have a fresh start. I KNOW that I will eventually lose this tummy (and frankly, if, after giving it a GOOD strong try, it doesn't go away, I will GET it fixed so that I can be happy about myself) and that I will find a balance where I feel healthy, strong, happy and still have time in my life for all the little treasures and pleasures that are all around us everyday.

Yes, my friends, the purge is on.  How about you - what do you have to purge from your life?

What's in a number?

You know, it MAY be arbitrary, but 200 lbs is just one of those numbers that women NEVER want to see on the scale.  And you know what?  That is ALL I have seen (I mean, 200 or MORE) on the scale since a few months before I got pregnant with the twins.

And now?

Well, this morning I was 202.5 on the scale.  The day before, I was 204.8.  I had a good day of eating today and another swim (following the 8.4 km jog I did on Wednesday night - WOOT!!!). 

So.

I MAY just be on the precipice of seeing that damn 200 vanish to be replaced by a 1 followed by other numbers.  I might cry if that happens.  It's a big deal to me.  And yeah, by the end of the day, I might be up over that again, but that's fine - the trend is where it should be...DOWN.

I'm proud of myself. This isn't easy. I've been very down about myself, and very grumpy about giving over my little free time to exercise when all I want is to REST.

I'll keep you posted, but just had to say it - there is LOT riding on this number for me.  It's loaded, and significant, and whether it should be or not, it's gotta go.

And it's gonna go.  SOON.

Cleansing the soul

This really isn't a deep post.  It's not a zenish, karmaesque guru advice-giving dissertation.  It's just an observation.  If your physical life outside of you is cluttered, disorganized, and chaotic, then your life is cloudy. Your mind is not clear.  I cannot relax or feel content if there is a mess around me. 

Yesterday, I spent all of about 1/2 hour while the girls were playing up in their playroom in front of the mirror going through their dresser drawers and a few other piles of their smaller clothes to determine what will stay and what will get packed away.  I put little piles of 3, 6 and 9 month clothes together in order to put them into diaper boxes for the next up-and-coming moms to go through, and I put back all the 12 and 18 month clothes for Fall and Winter back into their drawers. 

MAN, that felt good.  I can't tell you.  And yes, I still have a LOT more to do, but there's really no better feeling than getting organized, is there?  It's soooooo greeeeeeaaat!

What else have I been doing? FINALLY getting to the last few thank you cards I STILL have hanging over my head from the girls' birth.  It's absolutely nuts that I still have these to do, but I really haven't even been able to count just how many people have generously given gifts to the girls.  It's amazing, but it's also a lot of time and effort to say a proper thank you.  And I just can't bring myself to resort to email or just a verbal thank you. If someone goes through the trouble to buy you a gift, you send them a proper thank you card.  So.  I think I counted and have 6 more left (before you know, the 1 yr. gifts start coming....!!!) and WILL get them done before Friday.  Once done, a huge weight will be lifted from my shoulders and mind.  I mean, think about it...every. single. night. the idea that I should be writing thank yous has hung over my head while moving, medical appointments, workouts, and other events have also intruded into our lives.

It's mental baggage, and it sucks.

So yes.  I need to bottle the feeling you get - a high almost - from getting something sorted, cleaned and organized.  Do you get what I mean?  Do you feel the same way?

Thanksgiving weekend it is then

Friday, October 7 is the date set for Hailey's surgery.  I hope we don't have any episodes before then forcing us to go in prematurely, but if all goes well, the Friday before Thanksgiving weekend it is.  My thinking? It's good timing.  Hubby has Monday off just in case, and with any luck (and lots of thanksgiving for the blessings we have been given), we will be in and out before the weekend is over.

Here's hoping.

Until then...one more month of playdates and fun times with the girls - who's in?