39 for the first time (Alternate Title: Mommy tummy time)

So this is it, then.  Turning 39 for the first time tomorrow. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't really focus on age and also don't really care how old I am.  HOWEVER. For the first time in my life, I am really feeling my age.  No. Feeling older than my age. I can't do what I want to do.  I am physically incapable of doing what I used to do a short time ago. It's upsetting, and it needs to be addressed. Now.

Now, I know that I had twins just 5 months ago, and in the last two years, I was pregnant four times.  And yes, I have had many tell me that it takes at least 9 months to recover from 9 months of carrying a child. Just as many have also tacked on: "YOU had TWINS."  And a great little book I try to find time to read, Juggling Twins, had the following uplifting statement to make about that:

"Dragging your leftover weight around as those babies move through months and milestones feels a bit unfair, and it may be harder for you to see your cottage-cheesy bum as a heroic player in your kids' well-being. But it is. Well, it was, anyway. Try not to think of yourself as fat, but rather as still in the process of becoming unpregnant."

BUT.  I just can't worry anymore about whether or not this tummy is permanent. I want OUT of my maternity clothes. I HATE wearing granny panties, but anything else just rolls when I bend over (kinda like those party noisemakers - you know the ones.  Every time I adjust the material up, all it takes is a little movement and WHOOOP, it rolls back down. Right on top of my c-section scar, too, to add insult to injury). And not just ANY grannies.  Nooooo.  Size 2x ones!  Egad!  No WONDER I nearly squeel with surprise every time I catch sight of myself naked in the vanity mirror.  Vanity?  Hell no - I just wanna get rid of this weird deformed belly button, my friends!!!

So.  Losing it in Ottawa, here I come.  Who else is out there looking to start to shed some unwanted lumpy cheese?  Are there other mommies about to start, like I am, to take one foot and put it in front of the other? Want to connect on Twitter, create a hashtag, or just share our journey?  Who's got some fun apps for the iPhone to recommend?

Look for more details on what I plan to do, expect some gruesome photos to hopefully inspire a big 'after' reveal, since I will be HIGHLY motivated to erase all memory (yours and mine) of my appearance from this journal, and follow as I toss in some recipes, tips and whatever frustrations I have as I try 'transform' before my 40th birthday. 

Last time I did this?  It only took me 3 or 4 months.  This time around, with two stunningly cute and dependent babies to prioritize, it will take longer.  Think 12 months oughtta do it...

And hopefully by next year around this time? I'll be proud to say I am turning 40.  'Cause I'll have the body of a...hmmm....34? 36? 29 year old?  Whatever. 

All I know is I will be able to wear some lacy, frilly, satiny, thongy slice of fabric again. Without noisemakers.

I just don't give up, now, do i?

I just can't seem to give up. I keep trying. I keep going after solutions.  And now, I keep drinking this gawd-awful tasting prolactation tea in yet another effort to get effortless milk supply in. *Generously donated by Tara at Prolactation to see if it will help - thank you Tara*

So what's that now; a prescription for domperidone, rental each and every month of a hospital grade pump, water water water water water, and the same damn oatmeal every single morning.  Sheesh. I hate eating the same food over and over every day. But I've tried going without and believe me, it's a noticeable reduction without the oatmeal!

I don't know who it is that says breastfeeding is the cheap option for feeding your children. All the above adds up in costs and I am still buying and using formula too!

(To be fair, if I had only one child, I would now have enough milk for her, but unfortunately, I still don't have enough for two.)

The babies are now 5 months old, and I am a tenacious, gritty, hell-no I won't go kinda momma.

Now, let me go choke down some more of this tea to see if it will work wonders...

Picky picky picky

It's the CDH. It has to be.  My little one, Hailey, is the most frustrating little eater. Just....arghhh! A little bit here, another 1/2 bottle there. Wasted breast milk all the time, since eventually you have to throw it out. I know I should be patient. She's doing okay, she's gaining weight, but MAN, it is so frustrating! And really, IS she doing okay?  Do other parents of CDH babies have so many issues with feedings?  I suspect they do...

Another trend that seems to be forming from this is fewer poops.  Yes, poops.  Doncha know that Moms do nothing but talk about poop?  Hailey has recently gone more than two days without a poop (twice now) and it just seems she's getting bunged up more often.  I'm not a worry wart, but you do wonder if it's a sign that things aren't functioning as they should in her - majorly reorganized - abdomen.

Sigh.

But in the meantime, let me put down the laptop and pick up the rest of the bottle to see if she'll now take it. It's what a Mom's gotta do.  That, and remain patient.

Desert by moonlight - A great anniversary

You know, with two little babies around 24/7 these days, it was pretty easy not to have given any thought at all to our 3-year anniversary. But, as luck would have it, the idea for a special night dropped in my lap, and I jumped on it.

Our recent trip to Mesa, Arizona was a study in orchestration (more on that in another blog post), and meant that for a good chunk of the trip, my husband was back in Ottawa.  However, on the evening of his return to Mesa for the last few days of the trip, a special phenomena was taking place; what they called the 'super moon'. I discovered that a nearby county park (one of the amazing benefits of my parents' location is their proximity to the nearby desert mountains for hiking) Usary Mountain Regional Park was putting on a park ranger-led moonlight hike that night, and it was free.

Now, I don't think there has been a single trip I have taken to Mesa yet that hasn't included a nice, sunny hike, but this time? No go. I was hoping to go with the girls in carriers on an easy hike, but, uh...you'll hate me for saying this but the temperature was too hot for hiking while we were down there!  So...enter moonlight hiking!

It was great, and so very romantic.  Just the two of us...and about 400 others. But really, it WAS great. Very cool to see the Saguaro cacti rising up against the night sky, and see all the funkier cacti, like the jumping cactus, lit up along the path. The iPhone even managed to capture the scene with the lights of Mesa and Phoenix in the background.

The hike was admittedly short (there were a lot of kidlets and seniors along for the ride), but I really enjoyed the evening, which started off wonderfully at a nearby restaurant which came highly recommended to us, El Rancho Tia Rosas. 

YUMMY.

I started with a margarita (of course) and we had the tomales for our appetizer. For the main course, Art chose the traditional fajitas, and I had the seafood enchiladas.  Sooo good.  Some pix:

And of course, we couldn't stop there. We ordered desserts, and those might have been the best part. We shared the churros (that had custard piped in them and were drizzled with caramel -OMG) and tried Sopapillas for the first time.  Soooo goood!

It was a great night. So lovely. So unplanned. Such a treat, with honey on top (of the sopapillas).