Lifting my legs

Sounds provocative, no?

Nothing could be further from the truth. I finally - YAY ME - dragged my sorry butt to a Greco Lean & Fit workout on Sunday morning. That would be well over (uh) 30ish hours ago [I don't really do math], folks!

So what, you say? Well each individual minute that passes brings a perceptible increase in my stiffness and ability to lift my legs to stand up, walk the stairs (up or down) or even sit on the toilet.

What was it like to get back to the grueling, punishing, unforgiving format that is Greco after a couple of months of sloth? I just don't have it in me to describe it. Maybe another time.

But I made it. I went. I will go again on Wednesday. I will prevail and I will take control over my health once more.

YAY ME.

Social Media and Me 2 Point Oh!

What do you think of this title for a new blog I am thinking about setting up? The premise would be to set up a blog to discuss my 'discovery' of social media and its various tools and tricks, link to best practices, and cool info, and detail frustrations, confusion and other craziness that goes with it? If I had the blog, I would immediately start on the topic of setting up a damn blog!

Sure, I think that this blog is fine, but it is cookie-cutout, and so I was looking for some great advice on how to custom-build a blog using some of the tools out there.

Think with my new tools I would be able to find some great content on that? Not so far.

I have so much to learn.

Well...here goes. I just need time and energy, and I will get it going. If you have any advice...? Any links to great how to's...??? Y'know...whatever.

Jus' ME 2.0 Y'know?

Resource for women dealing with miscarriage or a lost baby

Okay....so here's the thing. I want to start looking online for the best websites, resources, forums and support for women and couples dealing with failed pregnancies. There's just not enough dialogue, and there's no coordination of resources for women trying to deal.

So. Only just beginning, but here are a few pages to start:
http://www.nationalshare.org/
http://home.mend.org/Default.aspx?tabid=36
http://www.aplacetoremember.com/greshome.html

If you know of great information, resources and any of the above, let me know. One of these days I am going to write about my experiences and those of other women. Whether an article or a book, I don't know, but there needs to be more said on this issue....

But, today was a good day. I now have an appointment with a specialist to find out why I have had three miscarriages in a row, and I also have found someone to talk to professionally to work through this past year, which I have to admit has really bruised my spirit. Time to get healthy and see what's up. Having direction and a plan to move forward helps immensely. Here's to 2010, people. Let's do it up the way we should~!

okay...so (why I hate 2009)

So.

At the very least, the bleeding seems to have stopped. The hideous continuous reminder of the goriest kind has passed, allowing me to at least get back to a physical level of normalcy.

holy bejeezus, though...why? WHY?????

And now, back to work. Really? Really. I can't believe that I have to drop myself right back into my life, again. Back. Not forward, but back. A third time. In ONE SHITTY YEAR.

I don't do 'back' very well. And I certainly don't know if I can handle my workload at work right now. I know I don't WANT to, and that is perhaps why the task seems so insurmountable. I just want to...what? I don't know. Wallow. Curl into a ball. Escape. Travel. Self-soothe.

It's so heavy, the thought of doing things I HAVE to do, that on other days is so easy, so simple. I guess that is what depression feels like? I know I just need time, though, and a game plan. I hope to hell I will hear from my family doctor's office with a referral to the specialists. I need answers and I need to know how long we will have to wait to start looking into the future again. I need to take care of business by cancelling appointments, getting back on some sort of track for a better lifestyle, and I need to get away and do things deliberately that will allow me to enjoy my life again.

It has been a long time since I can honestly say that I was happy, and that I was doing things in my life to enjoy life and feel GOOD. I need to put effort into the following:

1. Respecting my body again (more on that another time - too long a story to get into now)
2. Making plans to get out of the house, and not just to go work out (although that is #3), but maybe join a dance class, or finally go rock climbing again, or just put some good music in my ear and enjoy a long walk.
3. Get those good pheromones flowing again. Time to not only respect my body, but do something with it.
4. Rekindle the fun with my partner. We're fine, really, but are we great? No. We are listless, frustrated, functioning, and very very boring at the moment. We need to have a little fun. We're looking at Vegas in the spring.
5. Mental health. I don't have it right now, in case you hadn't noticed. I need to get it back, even if that means paying someone to get there.

In the meantime, though, it is Sunday night and I am dreading my return to work to face the future back once again where I started a full year ago.

Women need to talk about their experiences

Fascinating. I didn't know about this when it first came out, but in light of recent events, I found this online.

In which she...

realizes that not all third times are charming;
notes that she hates her body because it has failed her yet again;
desires to feel desire for anything else, other than what it seems she can't have anytime soon;
is so very, very weary;
just wants the process to stop and the answers to come.

Another dark day in an awful year.

Hello, my old friend

I have been remiss. I love blogging, but have gotten sucked into the Twitter vortex of late, and have be adopting information and retweeting and looking at other people's information more so than postulating and pontificating on personal opinions.

Which is fine.

The thing is...I am so busy at work that I am brain dead when I get home. I've got nuthin' left. In some ways, this is a good thing, but other times, I wish I had more to say on any given evening.

But now it is the weekend, and I have had two good full nights of sleep, so ya know...I am up for the challenge, but you still aren't going to get anything too deep today - the sun is shining and it is Sunday morning, thus any blog post should be a relaxed, casual and laid back affair, I think.

So...we have a lot on the go these days. Hubby is upstairs putting together the bedframe for our bedroom set. EGAD, we will actually have bedside tables!!!! Very exciting, and the last of the pieces to complete the set. Next will be to paint the remaining walls and decorate the room a bit. It's only been, like, 6 years...!

We have also bought the various paints needed to complete our kitchen reno. THAT is exciting too, but I can't get started on that today, as I may have to head out soon to help a friend clean and 'stage' her house for quick sale. I am praying this goes smoothly for her. She and her family need a little smooth sailing, as their lives have been turned upside down lately, due to an accident that left her husband in a wheelchair. I can't even imagine how tough this has been on all of them, and so I will do whatever I can to help them sell their former home and move into the new, accessible home and bring the family together again. Life sure is challenging, isn't it?

So...for the first time in a number of years, we missed the Ottawa Wine & Food Show this year. I couldn't help feeling we are missing out, but hey...there are reasons for everything, you know?

More to come - hope everyone enjoys this last (I presume) warmish day before the cold wind whips into the city and brings with it blankets of white and the xmas spirit.