Saturday, May 28, 2011

Losing it - Getting angry with myself now

Okay.  False start.  Totally.  Thank gawd there is no limit to the number I am allowed, but hopefully I will get out of the gates sooner rather than later.  I THINK I am building momentum.

A few weeks ago I blogged about this great seminar I took at Kangaroo Fitness to help me understand the work needed to reduce the diastasis recti issue I have since giving birth to the twins. Today is SUPPOSED to be a follow-up workshop to see our progress and discuss the next stages of the workouts/exercises. 


I have made at best some half-hearted attempts to do the stomach exercises.  I have put on the splint and worn it so few times I could count on one hand.  #FAIL - I have totally failed myself.

I ask myself why.  I have a LOT of excuses (covered that before), but I think mostly I just don't know what I want to do when.  For example, I know that I can try to mend the diastasis, but it won't look all that much different from now if I don't drop some of the weight I have gained over the past couple of years. I also know that dropping weight requires eating fewer calories and altering the nature of the food I am eating, but there is another but. My breastmilk supply goes down if I eat less, and so I feel like I need to make a decision on when I intend to wean, but am waffling on this; I just don't think I am ready yet. AND if I decide to eat just as many calories, but make them uber-healthy ones (which MIGHT do the trick, although I'm not sure it would), we'd have to be MUCH more organized in our daily meal-planning, which takes more time than I think I have - or rather, I could do that, but then fitting in the exercises etc every day become even harder.

Yeah.  And so what? It's not easy losing weight, Pam!  I'm getting angry with myself for the excuses.  For the laziness. For finding every reason NOT to proceed and make things happen - and every reason why we need to order pizza tonight or pick up McDonalds today because, you know, it was a BUSY day and we just HAVE to eat, right?  If we make something now, well, boy, it will be 9pm before we get dinner!!! 

So.  Am I ready?  Can I make this happen?  I'm going to the workshop today to hopefully get inspired by all the women who HAVE put in the work and are making changes.  I'm also going because I am embarassed and I would usually just beg off and say I'll try get up to speed and then come see the intructor. And I'm going because Susanne, said instructor, cares and wants to help me work out some solutions or answers to my 'excuses'.  Bless her heart.

She has her work cut out for her.  That is all.

Help - do you have some motivating words for me?  A story about your issues and efforts?  How are you/aren't you motivated?

1 comment:

  1. I hear what you are saying loud and clear. I have been there, I am there. Two years after the 60 pound weight gain with Jack am still 30 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. I started last Monday logging all of my calories, smaller portions and I said goodbye to chocolate because I know I can't stop eating it once I start. I walked 3 out of the 4 nights by myself to think about what I wanted for myself, and what I want is to fit into a size 9 again. It is so frickin hard. The hardest thing I have ever done, including quitting smoking. I bought a weight watchers cookbook that puts meal on the table in less than 30 minutes. There are some darn tasty meals in it but what I did notice was portion sizes and only eating what they suggested as a serving size, which to me is laughable. I have been keeping a food journal and each night I log on to calorie king to see how many calories I consumed that day. I try not to beat myself up if I went over, because I know the foods that are making it into my mouth are better for me. It is hard with one baby, let alone twins to shower, get groceries, clean the house, let alone put the time aside that you need for yourself to commit to weight loss. I have no tips, just encouragement. You can do it!